Broken dream and bloody promises. Is that all I've been left to survive with? Surviving is the only thing I can manage recently. I want to change everything and nothing all at the same time. There are things that I just don't understand about myself. I don't know why the things that random friends or people say sometimes inspire me into a frenzy of writing and thinking. I can't capture it fast enough. I don't know why nothing really makes me happier than listening to electronica as loud as possible and dancing ridiculously to the almost 80's beat. Shiny Toy Guns, you rock me. I don't know why I don't want people to see my eyes when I'm in a certain mood. I HAVE to have my huge Nicole Richie shades people! I feel naked and exposed if anyone can see me. I don't know why I want people to read my deepest thoughts when I know it makes me feel naked. I am seriously slipping because I just think in circles now. Everything is so abstract but I love it all at the same time. I don't know why I feel so safe with my long hair in my face and in my eyes. I suppose hiding is my newest hobby. My best friends ask how everything is and I avoid them like the plague. I don't know why. I just don't know anymore. I'm starting to feel comfortable in my lonerish skin for now though. I was so terribly upset about not having what I wanted that I didn't notice that what I have is sort of better for right now. Especially since, if I did have said boy, when would I see the poor fellow? I don't know why no one is more attractive to me than someone who wears the tightest jeans he can find and has the longest hair he can grow. I've discovered recently that I love confidence more than anything. I discovered this on my own path to higher self esteem. I love people who are passionate about random things like music or books or anything that is their cause. I don't know why I'm the most passionate person I know. I should be surrounded by people who love things as much as I do. I don't know why I'm shallow about weird things like taste in clothing or preference of music. If a guy has stupid taste in music, I just can't deal. I'm in a relationship with my music that is indescribable....we are involved! I don't know why the only way I can express myself sometimes is through music but that is one thing that I don't want to unlock the secret of. I don't know why I even care about the things that I can't explain. There are a million questions and not a lot of answers right now but that is quite okay with me!
Rainy Monday by Shiny Toy Guns
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